Name dropping frenzy | crookedman's Blog

A great man lives in my home town, called Alan Moore.  I’m not sure how famous he is in the real world but in my world he’s the most famous man I know.  To say hello to, at least.  If his myopia allows it, or if we’re thrown together unexpectedly, he might even recognise me as me, and remember reading my novella (that I put through his door and asked for comments.  Very presumptuous of me, but we regularly drank beer together and he, sort of, foolishly offered.  He did in fact come round my house, get me stoned, listen to tunes and tell me to my face that it wasn’t great writing and that the characters were more like cyphers than people, really.  He was right.)
Due to my proximity ‘on the scene’, very locally, I got to go into the studio and play bass on some tunes he was doing with my friend Pat.  Another friend, Gilly P was to drum; so we were a hot rhythm section.  We played on two tracks, terrified.  I was told which two notes to play, and when, for several minutes, and got a bit bored.  Gilly P stuck to cross-hands tub-thumping without much variety, and we were both a bit starstruck, and wasted, being cannabis light-weights of the worst kind. 
Alan Moore, at that point in his life, was an enormously successful comic superstar, in the days when being a comic superstar was pretty big.  He was one of ones that got comics taken seriously.  Cool Americans came to town, to visit, to hang out with us in the bar.  Film star types!  Exotic people with good teeth.  It was before he started squabbling with Hollywood about scripts for ‘V for Vendetta’ and ‘Watchmen’, but after the start of his hallucination-induced black magic days.  He was great to be with, when we saw him.   
So, we did the music: The stressiest part was that we had to do backing vocals on a song about Godzilla trampling Tokyo, and sing ‘Gojira, Gojira’ a lot, in too high a key for me so I screeched it a bit.  We sat around for the first mix-throughs and I somehow ended with a rough first-take mix of it.  Then we all went to the pub.
I was looking for it on youtube (where everything is), and it wasn’t.  I googled; I could find talk of the Godzilla one but not this other one here.  Who knows, perhaps it got released under a different title.  It’s about London; specifically, I think ‘Hawksmoor’ London, the East End back in the day.  There’s a whole mystery about Churches and masonry, it’s very English.
To be honest the vocals are indistinct so it’s not a great mix.  I’m sure they mastered it better later on.  Sorry about that.  He mumbles though, and it’s from a copy of a copy of a 20 year old cassette tape.  If it’s not been released there’ll be a reason for it.  I can’t be the only one in the world to have it.  The thing is, I quite like it despite the rubbish rhythm section and the long-winded babble of it all.  Pat did a good job with the guitars and keyboards and it’s worth hearing just for Alan Moore singing “She came from Rotherhythe” and making an unfashionable part of London sound fascinating.
Sadly, I no longer have the regular pleasure of his company as he gets about a bit, and I don’t.  However, I’ve heard talk that Mr Moore has some kind of spirit snake from the Cthulhu dimension, that he communicates with, and I don’t really want to die in some voodoo way.

Which brings me to the reason I was thinking about him.

Something irked me.

I was in the library with my youngest; she’s wading through the well-worn 11-13 fiction and sighing about it all looking boring.  Occasionally we come to an arrangement whereby I get her books from the young adult section (14+) on my card.  The young adult books merge seamlessly into the graphic novel section via Buffy and Twilight, so I was browsing nearby.  Read it.  Read it.  Pointless!!!: Shakespeare in a graphic novel, for fuck’s sake, how stupid is that.  I know why, but it’s just wrong.  Anyway, nestling there, unread, was a recent Alan Moore, ‘Neonomicon’; it looked very Noir from a quick perusal; and brand new, I was the first borrower :) .   My girl got a Skullduggery book.
I read it all later in the day whilst she played ‘Don’t Starve’ on my laptop  It was interesting: Some gore, a critique of racism, and the usual weird stuff; but then, out of the deep blue was an orgy scene with a reptilian creature and a selection of humans, at least one of whom wasn’t enjoying it at all, involving lots of rape with enormous peni, and cum shots.  While I was quite happy to read it myself, a part of me, for the first time in my life, felt a sense of hypocritical Bible-thumping indignation about standards slipping at the library.  Surely, not next to the Hunger Games!

When I took it back the next week I was going to say something but I didn’t. There is no X-rated comic section for it to go in so they’d possibly remove it from stock, and I didn’t want that.   Mostly I just didn’t want to look like one of those prudish types who get shocked by modern things.   Just imagine the shame of being ‘The man that complained in the library about local hero’s book’.  The government are trying to get rid of libraries anyway, and I don’t want to give them another excuse. Besides, I’m no longer sure whether a stylised reptile rape portrayal causes a blip on the shock horror scale.  Perhaps the sheer absurdity of the idea absolves it from criticism.    
On the other hand…
“Library Scandal.   Shocked and bitter ex-acquaintance objects to alien porno cartoons in children’s section, then posts unreleased track on social networking site”.  When I’m interviewed I’ll be sure to mention that aside from my outrage at the illustrations, I found the characters in his comic to be more like cyphers than real people.
I could be found dead - a contorted smirk twisting my lifeless face - with the mark of the snake upon me.


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